The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
