you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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