Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
