I just made out with a guy for $7.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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