Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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