Buhtt sex?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
