i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
