I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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