he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
