i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
