Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
