he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
