She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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