i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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