My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
