I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
