trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
