At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
