3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
