his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
