Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's blow job season.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
