I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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