so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
