i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
