I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
