but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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