Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
