What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
