I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
