tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
