It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
