then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
