Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I understand Curling. That high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
