my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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