so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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