Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
