It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
