I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
