i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
