be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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