I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
