What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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