How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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