I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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