omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
