Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
