Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
