Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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