I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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