guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.