My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
