Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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