I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
