she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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