We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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