I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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