Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A bitchslap is in order.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
