shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Randomize
