this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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