I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
