And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize