Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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