Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
