I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
