we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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