Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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