You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
