so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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