he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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