i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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