I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did i walk over a car last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
