I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
